Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
