How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Holy shit dude........stairs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
