im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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