I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
