Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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