I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
