i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
