just tell him i said nine months
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
