sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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