He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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