Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
