areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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