i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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