I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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