One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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