whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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