I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize