oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
bring money and cleavage
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
