He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
