can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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