their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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