i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
