Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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