need another drink. this is the easiest way
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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