i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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