Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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