Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
