Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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