If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
