I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
