the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You are a genius and a whore.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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