We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
