omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
