So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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