How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
