Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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