Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
