last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
