Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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