i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
