i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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