that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
