Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
