My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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