She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
