I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
