I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
