Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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