my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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