she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
