I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
