every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
