Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
