the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
