Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
