Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Success! We fucked roommates!
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