everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
3 2 1 whiskey
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
