I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
