Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
