Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
