I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
