Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
