Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
