theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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