my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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