The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
