Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
