there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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