i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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