There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
