Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
