During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
