Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You smell like stripper and shame
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
