i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My bed smells like the plague
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
