Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
