we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
