he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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