Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
