Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you had me at cake vodka
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
