my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I fill condoms, not promises.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
