wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
should my penis look like a turkey
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
