so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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