i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Fuck appropriateness.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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