My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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